Interview of a Member of the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses By Michael [We have been asked to keep his identity secret, he will only be referred to as GBM]
US: Thanks for taking time to be interviewed, you don’t do this often
GBM: We tend to be ridiculed by the media
US: Gee, I wonder why?
GBM: See, you’re doing it
US: Sorry, I just thinking out loud
GBM: Try to respect us as much as we respect you
GBM: Are you mocking me?
US: No, no, not at all. Its just that you don’t seem to respect anyone, other than yourselves
GBM: That’s because we have the TRUTH
US: I see… could you explain how you came to have the "truth"?
GBM: Jesus chose us in 1918 US: Why?
GBM: Because of all the religions in the world only we were preaching about 1914
GBM: And, Jesus returned in 1914. Although we thought he came back in 1874, we were preaching about 1914.
US: Weren’t you preaching that the "end of all kingdoms" or the end of the world in 1914
GBM: Yes, I didn’t say anything we were preaching about 1914 was true, but we were the only ones preaching it.
US: So you were chosen as the channel of truth because you were wrong?
GBM: No, because we were right
US: What were you right about
GBM: The year 1914, Jesus returned then
US: I thought you said that Jesus returned in 1874
GBM: He did, I mean, we thought he did, but he corrected us
US: When did he "correct" you
GBM: The light got brighter on that in 1943
US: The light???
GBM: Yes, you see the light gets brighter and brighter
US: Oh so you were writing without the lights on, that certainty explains some of the weird stuff you’ve written
GBM: Not the "lights", the "light" as in "new light"
US: So you bought new bulbs….
GBM: No, new light is a spiritual thing it has nothing to do with lights
US: Where does this new light come from
GBM: Jesus gives it to us
GBM: He guides us
US: How does he guide you
GBM: He corrects his slave, just as he did with the apostles
US: I will come back to the slave thing in a minute, so Jesus talks to you
GBM: No, no, no. You’re mocking me.
US: No I’m not, I am just trying to understand how Jesus corrects you
GBM: When we feel something needs changing, we change it
US: Yes, but how is Jesus involved in this
GBM: Jehovah guides us with his holy spirit
US: Why are you being so vague on this? How do you receive this divine guidance, do you have dreams or visions, a voice from heaven, or what?
GBM: No all that stuff is from Satan. When God wants us to change we change, its just that simple.
US: Forgive me for asking this again, but, how does God do that?
GBM: I already told you, he guides us
US: Yes, but you have never said how God guides you
GBM: I think you’re asking all these questions because you are opposed
US: So you can’t tell me how God guides you
GBM: Its just to deep for you to understand
US: Oh, its deep all right…
GBM: See, you mock what you don’t understand
US: I’m trying to understand, you’re just not answering the question
GBM: Look, I know a lot more than you do and even I don’t understand it
US: So you’re sure God is guiding you, you’re just not sure how?
US: Okay, so tell us about this "slave" thing
GBM: Jesus prophesied in Matt 24:45 that upon his return he would find a faithful and discreet slave doing the masters bidding and he would place him over all his belongings. So in 1918 he appointed us over all his belongings
US: But didn’t you say that you were wrong about 1874 and 1914? Why would Jesus pick you and why did he take 3 years to do it?
GBM: I’ve already told you he picked us because we were the only ones on earth looking forward to 1914
US: But what you were looking forward to was wrong
GBM: Yes, but the year was right
US: So you were right because you were wrong
GBM: Yes… I mean no, we were right that the year was significant we just didn’t understand it US: Huh?
GBM: We understood that 1914 was marked in Bible prophecy
US: But you were wrong about everything that was supposed to happen in that year, correct? GBM: But we were pointing to that year and we were vindicated when WWI broke out
US: How’s that?
GBM: It was a turning point in history, and we were right about that
US: Not really, you predicted the end of the world, not a world war
GBM: The end of the world is a turning point in history! So we were right, in a sense.
US: Or in a nonsense…Okay, tell us why it took Jesus 3 ? years to pick you
GBM: He had to go over all the religions in the world while fighting a war with Satan, can you do two things at once? Huh, can you, can you? No you can’t neither could Jesus.
US: I suppose he could delegate….
GBM: You’re mocking again. He couldn’t delegate because he had to read them all himself
US: Jesus never heard of Evelyn Wood’s Speed Reading, I guess
GBM: Jesus can speed read, but it still took a long time, what with all the religions in the world US: He didn’t just rule out the non-Christian ones from the get-go
GBM: No, for all he knew the Faithful and Discreet Slave could have been the Buddhists
US: Sounds like heaven could use some drug testing
GBM: There you go again, mocking me. This is why I don’t do interviews.
US: I’m sorry, but it is a little ridiculous to say that Jesus, who performed miracles, would have to take three years to read all the religious writings in the world
GBM: Well that’s what happened
US: If you say so….
GBM: We most definitely say so! That’s how we know its true, because Jehovah revealed it through his channel of communication
US: I thought you were his channel of communication
GBM: Well, the organization is yes
US: So you know what you say is true because you say it
GBM: Yes, in a manner of speaking
US: But haven’t you said many embarrassingly wrong things?
GBM: We don’t claim to be perfect
US: Well that would be a stupid thing to claim, wouldn’t it
GBM: We are not inspired prophets
US: I was unaware that there was such a thing as an uninspired prophet
GBM: As I was saying, we are not inspired by the holy spirit, just guided by it
US: What’s the difference?
GBM: If you’re inspired you can’t be wrong, if you’re guided you can
US: I see…but how can you tell the difference between a false prophet and a non-inspired non-prophet that is guided by the holy spirit. Don’t they both predict things that won’t happen? GBM: Actually, most people think a false prophet is one that prophecies falsely
US: Like God, for example
GBM: Ahem, but such is not the case, a false prophet is someone that believes in the Trinity
US: Imagine my suprise
GBM: Well of course you’re suprised, the churches of Christendom just don’t teach this to people US: But doesn’t the Bible define a false prophet as one that predicts something that doesn’t happen?
GBM: Again, this is too deep for you, but there are cases of prophets predicting things that didn’t happen, like Jonah for example, so therefore false prophecy has nothing to do with prophesying falsely, it has to do with believing in the Trinity and hell fire.
US: That’s amazing
GBM: What, learning the truth
US: No, that you can say that with a straight face
GBM: Mocker, this interview is over
US: Wait, wait, can’t I just ask a few more questions
GBM: Okay, but you better change your attitude, why can’t you ask easy questions like "Where did Cain get his wife?"
US: Mail order bride?
GBM: No, he married his sister
US: People in West Virginia carry on that tradition, but back to JW’s…I would like to talk about prophecy for a minute
GBM: Oh boy here comes the boring "false prophecy" list put out by apostates and opposers
US: No, I think those quotes speak for themselves, I want to talk about the seven seals of Revelation
GBM: That is a very deep subject
US: I’ll do my best to keep up with you. So is it true that you claim that the seven trumpets of where seven resolutions at seven assemblies from 1922-1928? If this is so, why doesn’t anyone, other than a few JW’s that have to look it up, even know what the resolutions are?
GBM: Because of the conspiracy of silence on the part of the world’s news media
US: So God needs the media?
GBM: No, he doesn’t that’s why he used us to blast forth the bold symbolic trumpet messages US: Without looking them up, what where these messages?
GBM: I don’t recall off hand, but some of our cartoons from the thirties were also judgment messages from Jehovah
US: I have often felt that "Garfield" was a stinging judgment message from Jehovah against cat owners
GBM: That’s it, this interview is over
US: Perhaps we could talk again
GBM: Maybe, but you’re not really an "interested one."
US: Thank you for your time, I am certain that you have helped people come to a conclusion about Jehovah’s Witnesses