Sunday, January 27, 2008

Benefits of Being One of Jehovah's Witnesses

1. Jehovah's Witnesses can count the time they share their faith with nonbelievers door-to-door or with young children, thus proving to God, in actual hard numbers, how worthy they are to have everlasting life.
2. Jehovah's Witnesses are encouraged not to attend college, which promotes independent thinking and is controlled by demons. They are happy to get a good job as a janitor or a window washer.
3. Jehovah's Witnesses get to celebrate the birth of a child but not the anniversary of the birth. They also do not have to worry about birthdays, holidays and Christmas, all of which are pagan and controlled by demons.
4. Jehovah's Witnesses do not pass a collection plate at their meetings like the demonized churches do. Instead there are collections boxes in their Kingdom Halls and Assembly Halls, and they are often reminded from the platform and in their literature not to forget to contribute. They are also urged to put in their wills that when they die, their house, CD's, jewelery, life insurance, and cash go directly to the Watchtower Society. The end is fast approaching so their families really have no need for money that should rightfully go to them.
5. Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate holidays so they do not have to be with their families during these special times to enjoy each other's company and eat the cookies, turkey, ham, pies, and other such food.
6. Because Jehovah's Witnesses are the only true Christians on earth, we do not have the problems that other churches have with broken families, adultery, fornication, pedophiles, over drinking, and gossip.
7. Jehovah's Witnesses do not have to worry about giving food, shelter and clothing to the poor and needy in our community because we give them the Truth which will enable them to live forever in a paradise earth.
8. Jehovah's Witnesses are in close contact with God as he speaks to them through the Faithful and Discreet Slave and through the Watchtower.
9. Jehovah's Witnesses alone will live in Paradise where there will be no cars, TVs, computors, radios, theaters, washing machines, clothes dryers, refrigerators, stoves, airplanes, electric lights, or malls to buy or clothes. Just miles and miles of garden and lions to pet.
10. Jehovah's Witnesses go to a summer District Assembly vacation every year, at the same city every year and have a picnic at their seats during the sessions and then stay at the fine hotels that they are told to stay in.
11. Jehovah's Witnesses know the true meaning of the words soon, near, very soon, very near, so close, just around the corner, shortly, near future and rapidly approaching.
12. Jehovah's Witnesses do not have to worry about getting old or having a retirement plan. See No. 11 above.
Hopefully, now you can understand the many benefits of being a Jehovah's Witness.

12 comments:

Heidi said...

For a second, I though you actually had letters!

Well.... if you put it like that.... (grin).

Thanks. I'll be back.

Lester said...

Sounds just great! Not to have to worry about forgetting a Birthday, or what to do with your money or other valuables.
You can leave it all to the Watchtower and go join the happy group in Scientology!! You should qualify nicely there as you would be completely CLEAR!!!!

Danny Haszard said...

Jehovah's Witnesses have largest turnover of recruits,have one of the highest attrition rates of all denominations.

Reports from TIME Magazine-""An even more extreme example of what might be called "masked churn" is the relatively tiny Jehovah's Witnesses, with a turnover rate of about two-thirds.

That means that two-thirds of the people who told Pew they were raised Jehovah's Witnesses no longer are — yet the group attracts roughly the same number of converts. Notes Lugo, "No wonder they have to keep on knocking on doors

Half of all the Watchtower related news now on Jehovah's Witnesses is either obituaries or Kingdom Hall construction.

The old folks who gave everything to the WBTS are dying off left and right cause no new system ever came
The Watchtower keeps on wheeling & dealing big money real estate
80% of all the young people are leaving the JW's
--
Danny Haszard born 3rd generation Jehovah's Witness,'I was in the cult and now i'm out'...

Anonymous said...

Please read 2 Peters 3:3-18 and then Psalms 83:18.

christian peper said...

The bible verse applies to #4 is: "They devour widows' houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely." Mark 12:40

Nancy said...

This is certainly under the definition of foolish jesting, don't you think? I want to comment on Anon's reply. The original language says mockers not ridiculer. A Jehovah's Witness would never ridicule Jehovah, the Bible, or other faithful ones, but they would MOCK them, and I know how they do it.

Vast Interment said...

Of course anyone can take all of those things and put them in the right way to make a fool of anyone. Knowing the exaggerations of every single one of these things, I see how your thinking lays the foundation for your view on all these things. It is made known in the Bible that all of the same things that befall mankind befall the Witnesses as well, and acknowledging them is the key to understanding your position in the ministry. Over the past 100 years there have been many congregations and elders and ministerial servants who have "added" their "understanding" and views on how scriptures should be handled. It is also prophecy that Satan would be allowed to mislead even the righteous and faithful in order to show, that despite a godly disposition and an abundance of faith, we are imperfect and are capable of being misled, as not to be made "perfect" by our example. "Being" humbled is necessary as we are not always capable of humbling ourselves fully since we are imperfect. There is no proof that any of the things expected in the New System/Paradise, that there will be no forms of appliances or such. We will just be taught to be self-sufficient, so that there will never be a need to require anything materially. [So as to abolish the need to buy and sell, as is the expression of what Babylon the Great is, which is market/profit.] If anything, there will be provided a source of energy that is unlimited and not destructive in any way so that whatever it is that we accomplish "technologically", it will perform no undesirable function nor will it disrupt anything. Remember the wheel is a form of technology and simple machines referenced in early Bible times performed functions similar to the things we have today and they were considered beneficial. But the modern day production of "electricity" has harmful consequences to the environment and us. So given that the Creator himself has created all things and knows all things, would be absolutely ridiculous to believe that advances in technology would not be permitted nor encouraged. But if through divine providence, He himself would provide technology that would allow us to further all of mankind and not deplete nor require anything that would take away or disrupt anything biological or physiological. There is no modern college or school of trade apart from Elementary and High School that does not exist for the basis of providing a constant service with the "expectation" of financial security in the present or near future. Rarely anyone goes to college to “not” expect financial security. With an expectation like that, we are putting our faith that the “Almighty Dollar” will prove to be our redeemer and will allow us to perform any necessary action to problems that we face. Having skills and trades are not forbade at all; nor are they by any means wrong. But to do so with the desire for financial "security" only allows us to be complacent with the power of the "Almighty Dollar" which has the "power to accomplish anything" with time as the world believes. [Continued on next post – 1 of 3]

Vast Interment said...

Some were "not meant to be teachers" for the fact that they are not "readily" capable of purveying the knowledge of the scriptures in a way that is completely beneficial and free of verbal adultery even with the best of intentions. It does not mean they are not capable, but are usually not consistent in such teaching without spiritual supervision by a "qualified" Elder. Some congregations have existed of people entirely of that sort who have needed decades of reproof to become fully competent, completely equipped for every good work. If what you saw and know in your mind and body is what truly went on without any exaggeration in your "dealings" with Jehovah's Witnesses, then you have taken many poor examples of "real proof" and allowed it to fully describe the many faithful and discreet brothers and sisters who have PROPERLY demonstrated the things shown by Jehovah and his Son Jesus, The Christ. The term "Christian" means "Christ-like person". If you ever see anyone, Jehovah's Witnesses or not, behaving in any way other than Jesus did, then do not take them for an example, no matter how many you have seen like that. Until you have met every last one and seen all their works, do not "purvey" the things that you have posted here without an "accurate knowledge of the truth" of the matter. For he that is lacking in what is least, he is lacking in what is greatest also. (Speaking of Christians who proclaim the foundations of God’s Word, but lack the spiritual definition required to back them up, without room for reproach) Remember that Jesus rebuked many who followed his teachings and did not attain the proper understanding before speaking to others about the things seen/heard. In the illustration of the man seeking to remove a straw from his fellow’s eye, he himself, had a rafter in his own eye. (Straw meaning a small transgression, and rafter meaning a large transgression) This relates that we cannot teach or reprove nor set any matter straight regarding Bible principle, when our own transgressions inhibit the Holy Spirit from entering into us (due to our “spiritual uncleanness”) so that we may speak according to truth. As the word “holy” is defined/translated as “clean”. [Continued on next post - 2 of 3]

Vast Interment said...

Jesus also rarely spoke, apart from quoting scripture or speaking an illustration. So when you see anyone purveying "knowledge" of any sort, if they are speaking of their own accord, it would be well to ignore the things heard and stick to principles. Unless it deals with the covenants and commandments that were instated to all of mankind, apart from circumstantially opinionated suggestions by even some of the true and faithful writers (teachings of which were mentioned and clarified/reproved by Jesus), there is no wrong decision regarding life practices. Jesus set clear which "laws" and "doctrines" were not of complete divinity and instructed us clearly to put to the test the things seen/heard to see if they originate with God. The ENTIRE inhabited Earth is being misled; it is our duty to ourselves to attempt to gain access to the Holy Spirit to allow us to put those things to the test in order that we aren't being misled. I care for your thoughts and direction of your heart, what is “seemingly” more than you do. (Given that I am imperfect and am capable of taking your words out of context, hence [“seemingly”], in the manner that you speak poorly of the Witnesses practices that are by moral choice, like holidays, etc… knowing their pagan origins regardless of their family-oriented connotations today) But given that is a matter of the conscience, it is up to the reader to discern. Given that unless it is specifically noted in the bible, you must use your conscience and the word of God to make an accurate decision. Given Paul had no “matter of conscience” towards eating of foods sacrificed to idols; his view was that the idols “sacrificed to” were not real, had no thoughts, feelings, nor knew that they were being sacrificed to. So it did not bother him knowing that the foods were only thought of being sacrificed to idols by the person(s) doing the sacrificing. But he also said that he would not pressure anyone making a decision regarding his or her conscience even if it didn’t reflect his thinking. As he said; [He] “would rather eat vegetables where there is [truth], than eat the finest meat where there is [treachery]”. Knowing well in my heart and mind, that the heart IS treacherous and only He can know it, I know full and well how you feel about these things for at one time I felt exactly the same way. So it does take "one" to know "one"... I humbly apologize for any “witnesses” that you have encountered who did not reflect the qualities in people that you expect from “True Christians”. May Jehovah bless you and raise your eyes upwards, free of doubt in what is TRULY his Word, as his "Word is Truth".

M.T.S. [Post- 3 of 3]

KC said...

I grew up as JW and I can attest to these “benefits”. I actually do see them as benefits now, because it made me who I am today. My mom’s side is all JW and my dad’s are all “worldly”. None of my aunts on my moms side talk to me, but I’m quite close with all my family on my dad’s side. These are people older than me that know, or should know, right from wrong. Being an independent thinker is the biggest sign that becoming a J Dub is NOT for you. You will drive yourself mad if you question or think too much. I appreciate this type of article, because the religion damaged me in ways that have taken years of therapy to fix. All in the name of God.
~Just another disgruntled “Apostate”

KC said...

I grew up as JW and I can attest to these “benefits”. I actually do see them as benefits now, because it made me who I am today. My mom’s side is all JW and my dad’s are all “worldly”. None of my aunts on my moms side talk to me, but I’m quite close with all my family on my dad’s side. These are people older than me that know, or should know, right from wrong. Being an independent thinker is the biggest sign that becoming a J Dub is NOT for you. You will drive yourself mad if you question or think too much. I appreciate this type of article, because the religion damaged me in ways that have taken years of therapy to fix. All in the name of God.
~Just another disgruntled “Apostate”

people forpeople said...
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